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Thank you for calling out sick today. Your absence was noticed and celebrated.

I don't wanna work, but I sure as hell don't want to bang on de drum all day!

I hate you. Maybe not in a I hope you die kind of way, but in a I hope you develop an allergy to bacon kind of way. And ice cream.

Free and Funny News Ecard: I hate you. Maybe not in a I hope you die kind of way, but in a I hope you develop an allergy to bacon kind of way. And ice cream.

What is your favorite exercise? #Humor

My favorite exercise at the gym. My favorite exercise at the gym. My favorite exercise at the gym.

That's exactly how much you don't mean to me

No, I don't like or dislike you.>>Gotta remember this one! Lmao so perfect for some ppl in my life

faster than the speed of light

Funny Confession Ecard: Nothing faster than the speed of light. Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a photo that makes her look fat. There really is an ecard for that!

Haha

Today's Mood Bitchy with a chance of sarcasm.

I prefer not to think before speaking...

I prefer not to think before speaking...

Monday's are like my ex-boyfriend... they come way too fast...

Free and Funny Confession Ecard: Monday's are like my ex-boyfriend. they come way too fast.

My super power is that I think of the easiest and most efficient solution to a problem and I implement it. I call it, 'Common Sense.'

Funny Confession Ecard: My super power is that I think of the easiest and most efficient solution to a problem and I implement it. I call it, 'Common Sense.

I'm no architect... but I don’t think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.

I'm no architect. but I don’t think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.

"In my head, every sentence I say to you ends in 'Jack Ass'."

In my head, every sentence I say to you ends in 'Jack Ass'. Jack Ass (see?

Too funny!

Just got engaged? Having a baby? Congratulations on now being hidden from my newsfeed.

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